Leaning Against The Wall

I just spent an hour updating the layout of this thing, not knowing whether I really had anything of interest to write.

I'm lying here, listening to music, electric blanket on high, lamp on low, thinking about how much I need to buy some gloves. This scene is becoming very familiar, a routine of sorts. I don't have anything to stay up for at the moment, nor anything to wake up for at the moment. It's frustrating in that sort of hopeless, mind-numbing way where you feel trapped but so exhausted you've stopped trying. My parents try harder at my life than I do.

The awareness that it'll change and progress is there but as much of a cliche it is, the murky clouds return and capture my mind for the moment and I feel alone.

That is my rock n roll face

Been ages, am a blog-geek slacker.

Have wonderful (most of the time) bf who I'm rather attached to. Wot a lucky fella. ;)

Quit my soulless retail job, was mind-blowingly fabulous to get the hell out of there. Which means I'll probably end up with another retail job shocker to add to my lengthy C.V. Oh wells, tis the life, hopefully next year I'll get to start lookin up lady's V-j-js to spot babies. Whoop, whoop! :)

Dad is leavin for Oz today to go sweat it out with a thousand other crazies, biking up and down somewhere interesting. My response to this adventure is; "yay, I get the car", "yay, no more T.v tennis domination" and "what a silly thing to go off and do".

Tis all for now, I might get into this again. But then again, knowing me, probably not.

Commitment-phobe

I've moved back to Chch. Commitment issues with cities much?

I had to though. Had no job, growing debt and no where to live. Not exactly the best situation to be in long term anyways, so I'm back with my parents, looking for a job...

As a silver lining though, Dad bought these maps of all these walks so we've been doin those which is weirdly kinda cool. We have a load of nature reserves scattered all round the place, ones you'd never know about unless you lived out in the wops.

Missed the animals so much, Izzy is like a crazy head-butter now and just sits on my tummy rubbin her face up to mine. So cute. :)

Jordan and I broke up a few months ago which was pretty devastating for both of us, but I'm starting to feel less broken now.

So nothing too exciting really but I am feeling really pretty good. :P

Some quiz just called me a slut?

Actually to be fair it said:

Title: What do boys think of you

They think of you as a slut. You may be pretty and popular...but you need to change your ways.

I feel a tad internet bitch slapped, especially since my answer to "What is your perfect date?" was "A romantic movie". If I'm a slut then what is the girl who answered "A stroll on the beach"? a cock tease? Pft. I've only had the word slut referred to me when my best friend in High School thought it was funny to say "A slut? Geni is the furtherest thing from a slut", which in turn had it's own bad repercussions...

Time is quickly running out for a place to live which is a bit scary. I'll find somewhere though. I've got an interview for a really great design studio next week which will hopefully go well, but since I haven't really gotten any breaks recently I'm not holding my breath.

Flat hunting blows chunks

I may've found a place to live with three Scottsmen, my Grandad would've been so proud. Looking at it tomorrow and man I hope it's freakin great cause I'm going bonkers looking at all these places, ringing them up and finding out I'm too late or about half a dozen others are on the list too.

No job either, have an interview to be a part-time nanny a few afternoons a week which would be good. Childcare is something I'm good at, enjoy and it pays well. So fingers crossed that everything starts to click together finally.

Jordan and I were going to move in together but in a simplified version of it all, he needs to get a lot of stuff sorted out at home and I need to live in town soon before I start shelling out major amounts of cash for public transport from way over here. I think he'll move down at some stage though, until then I just miss him like crazy. It'll all be worth it though.

Boring life update, apologies.

Sending my love. :)

Worth It.

I'm making sacrifices, like willingly making sacrifices in my life to try and be happy. It's quite terrifying, I've never done this before but quite sensibly, sharing these sacrifices with someone else, makes it feel worth it. We're trying to save money, trying to have a relationship six hours away from each other but even more importantly, we're trying to keep a relationship together that involves two different people and two different lives, trying to keep both those lives surviving even though they're so used to being alone and selfish.

The Cradle Snatcher Has Feelings?!

I have Christmas gift issues, my WINZ money hasn't come through yet and that is badddd news. Thank god my parents sent Nina's present from them so early on so she'll still have pressies without mine there. :( I feel like the worst sister ever. I may be on the top ten anyway. Jordan's present is going to be late too I think, I'm pretty sure you can't send something on the Saturday before Christmas and expect it to turn up on time. Damnit. At least I feel safe in the knowledge that they're good presents I guess.

What's going on? Hmm. I'm in a semi-relationship with a friend's little brother which is turning out to be a bit of a mine field to be honest. My friend doesn't approve because I'm 22 and he's 18 and we live so far away from each other, his sister keeps bagging on me all the time, she's also been telling everyone in his little town about our sex-life. I know I wouldn't be as upset about this if I knew that our relationship is difficult enough without someone else making his life harder. So far the easiest thing has been when I'm with him (Jordan, in case I haven't introduced him), cause when I'm with him, it's simple. I'm sure it'll all die down after awhile, just wish it wasn't such a struggle for us now.

In other news, I'm stilllllll looking for a job. Horrah. Eating peaches daily and catching up with Chch friends in preparation for when I go home to Welly.

Merry Christmas if I don't blog before then. :)