I Love You But I Don't Love Your Behavior

It's funny what gives you motivation, if even a tad fleeting. Mine seems to come in small waves, which then fade out and somehow get lost amongst all the unimportant nonsense that fills my head.

If only I could hold onto that feeling I get when everything seems so clear.

Right now I'm sitting here, surrounded by possibility. I get lost in it all so easily and forget why I once stood up and pointed in a certain direction. I am not someone who finishes things and I realized about five minutes ago that one day I'm going to wake up, look around and feel like I'm in the same position. Except I'll be 50 and all those choices that I feel are just swallowing me up right now, they wont be there anymore.

Regret isn't something I believe in, I think we make mistakes, we hopefully learn and we continue to keep growing, but I do believe in committing to your decisions and even if it all turns to shit, at least you tried.

I may believe but I don't actively participate in those beliefs, which is why I suppose I look at myself and only see potential that I very rarely ever fulfill. I don't follow through, and this whole feeling just reminds me so much of when I was a kid, had done something wrong and my parents would say they loved me but they didn't love my behavior.

I do love me but my behavior? Not so much.