...a 'recovering' Compulsive Binge Eater. Most of my life I've been completely obsessed by food, by how to get it, how to get more of it and particularly getting more of it without other people noticing.
I used to spend my time at parties socialising, looking 'normal' but with one keen eye on the chip bowl. I'd know how much other people had eaten and had made somewhat of a science of knowing when I could grasp the opportunity to eat more without looking like a pig.
I ended up going to therapy for it, after seeing a Psychologist for a year, once a week I managed to slowly ween myself off my destructive binging behaviour. I'm definitely not 'fixed' though, I still overeat, I still find the balance of eating a completely baffling mystery. I just don't binge anymore.
I've recently been reading about the Western Society's obsession with 'health', food and weight. I realised that for me to be happy in my own skin I'm going to have to stop agreeing with all the negative messages, that means I've stopped putting myself down out-loud and I'm working on shutting the voice up in my head as well.
I'm so sick of the guilt I have with eating. The thing is my guilt isn't exercise, I'm still fat, I'm just fat AND guilty in this current state. I may never be skinny but I'm going to enjoy the things I like, try my best not to overdo it and just cut myself some slack. Being kinder to myself seems like a step in the right direction.
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