Parent Groups.

I don't think I'm a group person. I tend to sit amongst a group, quietly listening and internally disagreeing to the people who are speaking. There doesn't seem much point to voice my difference in opinion when everyone else is nodding and agreeing with each other so happily. Who am I to ruin their coffee and cake?

I once went to a 'Parents Coffee Group' ('Parents' meaning 'Mothers'). I sat, I ate a muffin but mostly I just wanted to scream at the two Mums who decided their kids should have free-reign to do whatever they wanted during their 'Coffee Group' time.

One kid kept snatching toys off Trin and pushing the other kids around. Meanwhile his Mum ignored her kid's mean behaviour so she could bitch about the cost of childcare and the upmost importance of professional cupcakes at her children's birthday parties. When we got back to the car I apologised profusely to Trin for taking her to such a horrible place and promised I'd never do it to either of us ever again.

Here is my dilemma: Is there no happy medium between the obsessive, overbearing parent who lives and breaths organic, bio-friendly, trade-fair, dipped in adorable crushed up Angel's wings, Wet Wipes and the uninvolved parent who contently sends their kid to the School Bakesale with store-bought biscuits because they sign a massive cheque once a year to a School with a designer uniform and horse-riding classes?

In all fairness to the parents I just mocked, I think that, that balance is harder to find than any new parent first expects.

Figure 1. Fancy uniforms can't teach classiness.

I Do Not Like It Sam I Am.

I do not like facebook.

It's like this time-sucking black hole where people go to mainly complain. I realise I am at this moment complaining and so quite possibly losing some of my vast amounts of 'street cred'. 

However, now that the damage is done...

Domestication.

I would like a home please. It doesn't have to be fancy, large or even very pretty but I'd like it to be mine/ours. 


Yesterday I realised I've moved seven times in a year. This seems somewhat excessive. Given, there were some unplanned upheavals and I have always been notorious for not staying in one place for very long but I'm getting tired of this to-ing and fro-ing about the place. 


Not to mention the twenty minute history lesson I am forced to give each new lucky Doctor I end up with. 


Time to resurface from debt and save for one of those classy 'Welcome' mats to adorn the family hutch with. 


I have blossomed into a domesticated bitch-face at last. 


Yes Mum, that's what I said.

I'm Geni and I'm...

...a 'recovering' Compulsive Binge Eater. Most of my life I've been completely obsessed by food, by how to get it, how to get more of it and particularly getting more of it without other people noticing.

I used to spend my time at parties socialising, looking 'normal' but with one keen eye on the chip bowl. I'd know how much other people had eaten and had made somewhat of a science of knowing when I could grasp the opportunity to eat more without looking like a pig.

I ended up going to therapy for it, after seeing a Psychologist for a year, once a week I managed to slowly ween myself off my destructive binging behaviour. I'm definitely not 'fixed' though, I still overeat, I still find the balance of eating a completely baffling mystery. I just don't binge anymore.

I've recently been reading about the Western Society's obsession with 'health', food and weight. I realised that for me to be happy in my own skin I'm going to have to stop agreeing with all the negative messages, that means I've stopped putting myself down out-loud and I'm working on shutting the voice up in my head as well.

I'm so sick of the guilt I have with eating. The thing is my guilt isn't exercise, I'm still fat, I'm just fat AND guilty in this current state. I may never be skinny but I'm going to enjoy the things I like, try my best not to overdo it and just cut myself some slack. Being kinder to myself seems like a step in the right direction.

I Love You But I Don't Love Your Behavior

It's funny what gives you motivation, if even a tad fleeting. Mine seems to come in small waves, which then fade out and somehow get lost amongst all the unimportant nonsense that fills my head.

If only I could hold onto that feeling I get when everything seems so clear.

Right now I'm sitting here, surrounded by possibility. I get lost in it all so easily and forget why I once stood up and pointed in a certain direction. I am not someone who finishes things and I realized about five minutes ago that one day I'm going to wake up, look around and feel like I'm in the same position. Except I'll be 50 and all those choices that I feel are just swallowing me up right now, they wont be there anymore.

Regret isn't something I believe in, I think we make mistakes, we hopefully learn and we continue to keep growing, but I do believe in committing to your decisions and even if it all turns to shit, at least you tried.

I may believe but I don't actively participate in those beliefs, which is why I suppose I look at myself and only see potential that I very rarely ever fulfill. I don't follow through, and this whole feeling just reminds me so much of when I was a kid, had done something wrong and my parents would say they loved me but they didn't love my behavior.

I do love me but my behavior? Not so much.

Appreciating The Silly Too.

I just read a critique of 'Twilight', the first book by one of my favorite NZ Bloggers and am compelled to write something in response to it and the many, many comments that followed her post.

I like the 'Twilight' series. I also know that it is a terribly written series. What I enjoy about it is the love story, probably for the same reason I can sit and watch the old 'Felicity' TV series till 2am, happily read for hours about completely ridiculous teenage angst vampires and wish there was more, not to mention cry my way through 'The Notebook' even though it's embarrassingly obvious I'm being manipulated into tears by cleverly placed violins. Does this mean I can't tell the difference between what is incredible writing/music/film/TV and what is sap that I also enjoy? I don't think so.

I've had this argument with many people, mainly my sister. I believe I have the right to enjoy a shitty Pop song and still appreciate what I consider to be genuinely beautiful music which gives me those glorious goose-bumps and makes me think. It is possible to appreciate something on it's own level, for what it is, not expecting it to be any more than what it is. Does it make me appreciate the heights less because I elect to bask in some shallow, ignorant happy?

No. And those of you you think otherwise are just being snobs.


Those of you who critique a series written for teenage girls as though it was aimed at anyone but a 15 year old, who desperately wants to believe that some sparkly, gorgeous, vampire will whisk her away from the bullshit time that is being 15 years old, has missed the point entirely. It's a fantasy book, written for people who want to read something easy, that will help them escape from whatever it is they want reprieve from. Reading anything more into it, is a waste of time. Fin.

Positive Forces

I have employment and am leaving it to study Psychology, which I have only just taught myself to spell correctly in the last week. Having employment is comfy (financially) but I've felt like this particular one has been wearing my shiny surface away slowly. If anything I've realized that I want to put my energy towards something that means something more, that's creating a positive force in the world. Currently I wake up feeling like I'm supporting something that does the opposite.

So I am the excite. Also the nervous, but I'm trying to be brave about it all and balls up. I do worry about the part about me studying by myself and being at home all the time so I'm going to have to plan some daily excursions into the outside world. Also looking for a part-time job so I don't go completely insane in my own company for too long.

Hope you are having a nice relaxing Sunday, I implore you to spend part of it lying in bed, eating avocado on toast and scouring the Interweb funnies.