The Guru

I'm good at advice. Well no, not really advice, I guess I'm good at listening and then seeing something the other person hasn't been able to see themselves. I do it with myself all the time, I know exactly how I could be a better/happier/healthier person and I can talk about it forever but I never seem to move past the thinking and into the doing. It's incredibly frustrating to feel trapped by yourself. We all are to some respect I guess. How we see ourselves, how we choose to be seen by others... I just feel stuck so often in my life.

This isn't a cry for help, I promise. It's more of a thought amongst thoughts that will hopefully one day become an action.

Swwwwishhhhhhh.

I've been thinking about finishing my degree. I could even take on the Summer School course that I need to get done in November if I want to. I went back to the Massey site and downloaded the degree timetable, and plotted the degree out. I actually got excited about it even. I'm still going to look for a job but as much as I'd like it to, I highly doubt that my dream job will fall into my lap and who's kidding who? I'm not going to end up becoming some entrepreneur, I like having guidelines to work around, people to collaborate with or at least bounce ideas off. I like working for someone. My main reasoning though is this: if I want to work in the New York or Paris studios then I need a fucking amazing reel, and to get a fucking amazing reel, I'll need to have a great portfolio and then get work at a great studio in Welly, work here for a few years and develop that fucking amazing reel I know I will one day be capable of. But right now, I need time to learn and motivation to churn out work, and that's what courses at Uni are really. If we could all do research on our own and develop our own educations independently then we would but most of us can't. Now that I'm stabilised and generally happy and confident, I know I could do the Uni thing. It's funny how scared I was at failing for so long after being pulled out... but now I don't see any of it as a failure, it was just what happened and what I got through to be here now. Nothing to be ashamed of. :)

I've had a really nasty sore throat for about a week now which has been rather shite but meh, that's life. Rather that than most other ailments eh?

I know I've been a bit lack luster on the whole friends part of my life lately, but I'm starting to feel more myself again, more in control of what I'm doing and where I want to go, if that makes any sense. So I will be in contact soon you lovely people. :P

Numerous bear hugs and smooches from me to you.

Disappointment.

I slept with a close friend of mine on Friday, turns out I do sleep with all my male friends. Matt was right. No regrets there though, it was going to happen at some stage and now it's all over. Time to move past that series of disasters. Hurts though.