I Love You But I Don't Love Your Behavior

It's funny what gives you motivation, if even a tad fleeting. Mine seems to come in small waves, which then fade out and somehow get lost amongst all the unimportant nonsense that fills my head.

If only I could hold onto that feeling I get when everything seems so clear.

Right now I'm sitting here, surrounded by possibility. I get lost in it all so easily and forget why I once stood up and pointed in a certain direction. I am not someone who finishes things and I realized about five minutes ago that one day I'm going to wake up, look around and feel like I'm in the same position. Except I'll be 50 and all those choices that I feel are just swallowing me up right now, they wont be there anymore.

Regret isn't something I believe in, I think we make mistakes, we hopefully learn and we continue to keep growing, but I do believe in committing to your decisions and even if it all turns to shit, at least you tried.

I may believe but I don't actively participate in those beliefs, which is why I suppose I look at myself and only see potential that I very rarely ever fulfill. I don't follow through, and this whole feeling just reminds me so much of when I was a kid, had done something wrong and my parents would say they loved me but they didn't love my behavior.

I do love me but my behavior? Not so much.

Appreciating The Silly Too.

I just read a critique of 'Twilight', the first book by one of my favorite NZ Bloggers and am compelled to write something in response to it and the many, many comments that followed her post.

I like the 'Twilight' series. I also know that it is a terribly written series. What I enjoy about it is the love story, probably for the same reason I can sit and watch the old 'Felicity' TV series till 2am, happily read for hours about completely ridiculous teenage angst vampires and wish there was more, not to mention cry my way through 'The Notebook' even though it's embarrassingly obvious I'm being manipulated into tears by cleverly placed violins. Does this mean I can't tell the difference between what is incredible writing/music/film/TV and what is sap that I also enjoy? I don't think so.

I've had this argument with many people, mainly my sister. I believe I have the right to enjoy a shitty Pop song and still appreciate what I consider to be genuinely beautiful music which gives me those glorious goose-bumps and makes me think. It is possible to appreciate something on it's own level, for what it is, not expecting it to be any more than what it is. Does it make me appreciate the heights less because I elect to bask in some shallow, ignorant happy?

No. And those of you you think otherwise are just being snobs.


Those of you who critique a series written for teenage girls as though it was aimed at anyone but a 15 year old, who desperately wants to believe that some sparkly, gorgeous, vampire will whisk her away from the bullshit time that is being 15 years old, has missed the point entirely. It's a fantasy book, written for people who want to read something easy, that will help them escape from whatever it is they want reprieve from. Reading anything more into it, is a waste of time. Fin.