Worth It.

I'm making sacrifices, like willingly making sacrifices in my life to try and be happy. It's quite terrifying, I've never done this before but quite sensibly, sharing these sacrifices with someone else, makes it feel worth it. We're trying to save money, trying to have a relationship six hours away from each other but even more importantly, we're trying to keep a relationship together that involves two different people and two different lives, trying to keep both those lives surviving even though they're so used to being alone and selfish.

The Cradle Snatcher Has Feelings?!

I have Christmas gift issues, my WINZ money hasn't come through yet and that is badddd news. Thank god my parents sent Nina's present from them so early on so she'll still have pressies without mine there. :( I feel like the worst sister ever. I may be on the top ten anyway. Jordan's present is going to be late too I think, I'm pretty sure you can't send something on the Saturday before Christmas and expect it to turn up on time. Damnit. At least I feel safe in the knowledge that they're good presents I guess.

What's going on? Hmm. I'm in a semi-relationship with a friend's little brother which is turning out to be a bit of a mine field to be honest. My friend doesn't approve because I'm 22 and he's 18 and we live so far away from each other, his sister keeps bagging on me all the time, she's also been telling everyone in his little town about our sex-life. I know I wouldn't be as upset about this if I knew that our relationship is difficult enough without someone else making his life harder. So far the easiest thing has been when I'm with him (Jordan, in case I haven't introduced him), cause when I'm with him, it's simple. I'm sure it'll all die down after awhile, just wish it wasn't such a struggle for us now.

In other news, I'm stilllllll looking for a job. Horrah. Eating peaches daily and catching up with Chch friends in preparation for when I go home to Welly.

Merry Christmas if I don't blog before then. :)

Thanks Nightwatchman!

Stole these question from: The Nightwatchman


When was the last time you lied?
About 5 mins ago about what I was doing on the intraweb.

When was the last time you used the word hate?
Today when I told Daniel I hated all boys and he took offense.

What is your most treasured possession?
My iMac, Molly.

Who would play you in the film of your life?
I want Scarlett J, so I'm getting Scarlett J.

What do you owe your parents?
So much I don't even know the sum anymore. :(

What keeps you awake at night?
My fucking mind never shuts the hell up.

How would you like to be remembered?
I don't need to be remembered, I wont be here anymore.

What makes you angry?
Mostly myself.

What would you like to be your last words on earth?
Cheers.

Which living person do you most admire?
I honestly don't know, I don't really admire people much.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself and others?
Being selfish.

What does love feel like?
Every feeling possible, mixed up into a big pot, boiled and served with cabbage.

What's your greatest extravagance?
My bloody phone. I take it back, I love you, you are priceless.

Define beauty.
Pure and positive.

When were you happiest?
The last time I was riding a high.

What super power would you like?
Invisibility.

Favourite smell?
Boys.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Still being alive.

Drugged up and surviving.

Felt like I needed to publish another post so I don't worry people. I'm okay, I'm not that okay but I will be. You know the feeling where you know it's not bottomless, that it'll fade. And I've definitely got the experience in that area.

I think I need to stop listening to myself, I don't make good decisions.

Going to attempt to get a crappy cafe job and just be busy with that for a bit.

Happiness lived in cheesecake.

I'm an idiot. Once an idiot, always an idiot.

I don't seem to learn my lesson.

And here I am, heartbroken again. Spare me the "I told you so's", I'm beating myself up enough for all of you and I'm not asking for any pity. Maybe a little. A sprinkle.

Happiness lives in cheesecake.

So I met someone; Jordan, this incredibly funny, sweet, sexy, wonderful person. I could list so many more mushy adjectives but you might vomit on your computer. I feel so goofy happy all the time, I miss him when I'm not talking to him, I seriously can not get enough of this boy. :) He's even better than cheesecake.

I'll stop all that nonsense now, no one wants to hear about happy people, happy people are boring sods with lack of character. Character being carted round by those of us who live in the real world of debt, unemployment, loneliness and one of those sad McDonald drive-through stickers that clearly indicates our capitalist whorish nature and explains that extra roll of fat around our tummy. Happiness happens in short bursts, with good trips, good sex, good food, good drink and laughs. I used to have that, I used to believe that when I was happy, that it would go away within a few minutes... it had to, but this time I'm basking in it. Marinate even, like those yummy mushrooms my Mum makes.

Truckin down to Chch again tonight because my course was "over-booked" apparently so I might as well work down there and then come back up next year since I needed to come down for Xmas anyways.

So there's the news, all very rose coloured but meh, it's a one in a million positive blog in my arena so you can all suck on it. :P

Sniff, hack, cough.

Yes I'm sick, on my death bed. My last meal being a sugary mini donut. It was worth it.

I'm still trying to decide between living in Christchurch and doing Fine Arts or living in Welly and doing a Bachelor of Design. I've been trying to make that choice for like two years now. A bit pathetic really.

Maybe I should just go and travel again, rack up a student loan when I get back...

I have no idea how people make these decisions, they don't seem to have right or wrong answers.

Bitches.